How to Choose the Right Counselling Supervisor: What I Wish I'd Known as a Trainee Counsellor

Becoming a counsellor is more personal than most of us expect

People come into counselling for all sorts of reasons.

For some, it begins with a genuine fascination with people — why we behave as we do, why relationships affect us so deeply, and why two people can experience the same event so differently.

For others, there has been an experience in their own life that has made them want to understand more. Bereavement, difficult relationships, family experiences, their own experience of counselling, or simply reaching a point in life when they begin to look at themselves differently.
And, of course, many of us simply have a strong desire to help.

Research into why people become counsellors and psychotherapists suggests that it is rarely just one thing. Personal experience, curiosity, personal development and the desire to help others can all play a part. 
I recognise some of that myself.

When I began my own journey into counselling, I didn't suddenly arrive as the finished article. None of us does.
Training teaches you theory, skills, ethics and how to begin working therapeutically. But it also teaches you an enormous amount about yourself.
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And then comes the moment when you sit opposite your first real client.
Suddenly, this isn't a skills practice with another student.
This person has trusted you with something that matters.
That's when counselling can start to feel very different.

“What if I get it wrong?

​I think one of the things we don't always talk about enough during training is just how vulnerable it can feel to be a trainee counsellor.

You can leave a session wondering:
Did I say too much?

Did I say too little?

Should I have challenged that?

Was that silence helpful, or did I just not know what to say?

What if I've missed something important?

And perhaps the most common one:
Am I actually any good at this?

I've been there.
Most experienced counsellors have.

In time, something changes. You stop looking quite so desperately for the “correct” response and begin trusting the therapeutic process, your training and — importantly — yourself.
But that development doesn't happen in isolation.

For me, this is one of the reasons good supervision matters so much.
BACP describes supervision as an essential part of sustaining safe and effective practice throughout a counsellor's working life, and emphasises that good supervision is much more than simply managing cases. 

I agree.
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The right supervision relationship can become one of the places where you really start discovering who you are as a counsellor.

Your supervisor isn't there to mark your homework
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When you're training, it can be very easy to take the student mentality into supervision.

You want your supervisor to think you're doing well.

So you bring the client you've made progress with.
You explain your interventions carefully.
You perhaps leave out the session where you felt completely lost.

But the session where you felt completely lost may be the most useful one to take to supervision.

A good supervisor doesn't need you to impress them.

They need you to be able to say:
“I don't know what happened here.”
Or:
“This client really affected me.”
Or even:
“I think I got this wrong.”

If you're frightened that admitting uncertainty will make your supervisor think less of you, something important is being lost.
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Supervision needs enough safety for honesty.
But — and this matters — safe doesn't mean comfortable all the time.

A good supervisor should support you — and sometimes challenge you

I don't believe good supervision means agreeing with everything a supervisee says.

There are times when I will ask another question.

There are times when we need to think about a boundary, an ethical issue, risk, safeguarding or something happening within the therapeutic relationship.

There may also be times when I notice something the supervisee hasn't noticed yet.

That's part of the work.

The difference is in how those conversations happen.
My own approach to supervision is strongly person-centred. I want supervisees to experience warmth, respect and acceptance.
But person-centred does not mean avoiding difficult conversations.
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I believe the strongest supervision relationships allow both things to exist:
“I feel safe with this person.”
and
“This person will challenge me when I need to think again.”
That's a combination I would actively look for when choosing a supervisor.

So how do you choose the right counselling supervisor?

Of course qualifications and experience matter. Your supervisor needs sufficient experience and competence, and if you're a trainee you must also make sure they meet the requirements of your course and placement.

BACP advises that supervisors should be sufficiently experienced in counselling or psychotherapy, ideally with supervision training or qualifications, and recommends clear contracting around responsibilities and practical arrangements. 
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But once you've established those fundamentals, I'd look beyond the CV.

1. Can I imagine telling this person I made a mistake?

​This may be my most important question.
Not:
“Do they seem impressive?”
But:
“Could I be honest with them when I'm not feeling impressive?”
If the answer is no, think carefully.

2. How do I feel when I'm talking to them?

Pay attention to the relationship.

Do you feel listened to?

Do they seem genuinely curious about you?

Can you ask questions?

Do you feel you're having a conversation between two human beings, or being assessed?

Supervision has professional responsibilities, but it is still fundamentally relational and human.

3. Will they help me think rather than simply tell me what to do?

Particularly as a trainee, there will naturally be occasions when you need guidance.

But eventually you need to develop your own clinical judgement.
A supervisor who supplies every answer can inadvertently keep you dependent upon them.
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Good supervision should gradually help you ask better questions of yourself.

4. Can they challenge me?

This is the other side of emotional safety.
You don't need a supervisor who simply reassures you that everything is fine.

Sometimes it isn't.

You need someone willing to explore something with you when they are concerned, while doing so in a way that helps you learn rather than leaving you ashamed or diminished. Also there are no silly questions.

5. Do they understand where I am in my development?

A trainee counsellor has different supervisory needs from somebody who has been practising for twenty years.

Early in training, you may need more reassurance, explanation and help connecting theory with what actually happened in the room.

Later, the relationship may become increasingly exploratory.

A good supervisor should be able to work with the counsellor you are now, while helping you become the counsellor you are developing into.

6. Can we talk about me as well as the client?

Supervision isn't personal therapy.
But you cannot completely remove yourself from counselling.

Clients affect us.

Sometimes they remind us of somebody.

Sometimes we desperately want things to improve for them.

Sometimes we feel frustrated, protective, anxious, bored, intimidated or unusually responsible.

Those reactions don't automatically mean we're doing something wrong.

They can be valuable information.
I want supervisees to be able to bring those reactions into the room without fearing judgement.
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If something belongs more appropriately in personal therapy, we can recognise that boundary too.

7. Do they understand the realities of the work I am doing?

Think about your client group, modality, placement and how you practise.

If you're working online, does your supervisor understand online practice?

If you're working with couples, bereavement, complex relationships or particular client groups, does their experience complement your work?

They don't have to have worked with every possible issue you might encounter. Nobody has.

But you should feel confident that they understand the professional world you're working within and recognise the limits of their own competence too.

8. Are the practical arrangements clear?

​This part may sound less exciting, but it matters.
Discuss fees, frequency, cancellations, confidentiality, emergency contact, record keeping and how concerns will be handled.

If you're a trainee, clarify whether your course or placement expects communication, reports or particular supervision arrangements.
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BACP guidance places particular importance on collaboration between supervisors, trainees, training providers and placements where required. 
Clear contracting protects everyone — including the client.

9. Does online or face-to-face supervision suit me?

One positive change in recent years is that geography doesn't necessarily determine who you can choose.

Online supervision can allow you to work with somebody who genuinely suits you rather than simply the nearest available supervisor.

I supervise counsellors online across the UK as well as offering limited face-to-face supervision near Stafford.

For some people, being in the same physical room matters.
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Others value the flexibility and continuity of online supervision.
Neither is automatically better.
The important question is whether you can build a sufficiently open and reflective relationship in that format.

10. Can I be myself?

Ultimately, I think this is the question underneath many of the others.
Counselling training can sometimes leave people feeling they need to become a particular kind of counsellor.

They compare themselves with tutors, supervisors and other students.

They wonder whether they're empathic enough, insightful enough, theoretical enough or confident enough.

But part of becoming a counsellor is gradually discovering your own therapeutic identity.

Your supervisor shouldn't be trying to create another version of themselves.
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They should be helping you become more fully yourself as a practitioner.

The supervisor you need may change

Something else I wish more counsellors realised is that choosing a supervisor doesn't necessarily mean choosing them forever.

Your needs change.

The supervisor who is exactly right while you're doing your first placement may not be the person you need ten years later.

Equally, a supervisory relationship that has worked wonderfully for years can sometimes reach a natural ending.

BACP itself recommends regularly reviewing supervision arrangements.
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Changing supervisor isn't necessarily a criticism of either person.
Sometimes development requires something different.

If you're choosing your first supervisor

If you're currently training, I particularly want to say this:

You are not supposed to know everything yet.

You're training.
You're going to have sessions that feel wonderful and sessions that leave you wondering what on earth just happened.

You're going to make mistakes.

You're going to discover things about yourself.

And if your experience is anything like mine, there will probably come a point when you realise that becoming a counsellor has changed you as a person as much as it has trained you for a profession.

There is research suggesting exactly that: motivations can change through training and after qualification, while other research describes therapist training as a process involving personal development and self-understanding alongside the desire to help others. 

That's one of the things I now value about supervising trainees.

I've been on that side of the supervision relationship too.

I remember what it was like not to know.

And I don't think good supervision should make you frightened of not knowing.
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It should help you become curious about it.

Looking for a counselling supervisor?

If you're a trainee counsellor, newly qualified therapist or an experienced counsellor looking for a different kind of supervisory relationship, you're welcome to get in touch.

My supervision style is warm, person-centred and reflective, but also grounded in ethical responsibility and safe practice. I work online with counsellors across the UK, with limited face-to-face availability near Stafford.

You don't need to decide from a website whether I'm the right supervisor for you.

We can have an initial conversation.

Because choosing a supervisor isn't simply about finding someone who is qualified to supervise you.
It's about finding someone with whom you feel able to do the work.

By Joanne Vogel - joannevogelcounselling.co.uk